I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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