I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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