where am i from again
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
