Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
