that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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