Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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