Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
