Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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