There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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