What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
