i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
