I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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