Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
