i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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