Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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