i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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