My balls are so social today.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
