Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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