so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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