I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
