She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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