...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
