Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
