Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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