What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
