the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize