If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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