I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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