hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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