youre lurking in front of me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
