Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
