I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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