Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
