Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
