Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
dude. I can hear the air.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
