I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Damn victory sex feels great
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
