I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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