dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
