i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
