We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
