I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
