I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
