theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
