So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
