I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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