So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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