I must be too annoying 4 u.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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