I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
