We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
