she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
