Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
