Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
