Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
