I just saw a hot homeless man
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
