he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
