You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize