dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
