whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is Oprah even human
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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