dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
