If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
