my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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