ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
