Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
