So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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