It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love you. Go after that dick
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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