I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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