dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
