It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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