Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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