I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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