Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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