I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
