He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
