Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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