I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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