I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im part way to drunk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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