omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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