Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize